Dancers’ do you find yourself sitting on the sidelines watching others dance? If so, there is only one sure fire way to resolve this problem. Get up, walk over to another dancer and ask them to dance. Chances are that they will lead you directly to the dance floor.

In a dance community, asking someone to dance does not imply that you are interested in starting a relationship with that person. It simply means: “I would like to dance”. There are many couples that go social dancing or attend dance conventions together and rarely even dance with each other. Couples, we dancers all thank you for sharing your significant others. We understand that  “A Dance is just A Dance.”

When I first started dancing I was HORRIBLE. I did not have a clue how to dance but, I was determined to learn. I would show up at my local social dances 3-5 nights a week and literally BEG the guys to dance with me. I was unaware that dance classes were even available, so I was at the mercy of anyone that would help me.

During that time, my 3 year old grandson was visiting for 3 weeks. One night he fell asleep watching Shrek, if any of you have kids and have watched the movie you will know exactly what I am about to say. At the end of the movie the little donkey jumps up, over and over saying:  “Pick Me, Pick Me”, I was too tired to get up out of bed and shut it off, so all night long I heard, “Pick Me, Pick Me”!!! The next night at dance, my hand flew up in the air and the words just came out of my mouth: “Pick Me, Pick Me!!!”" From that day forward, I never sat on the sidelines again! As a matter of fact,  as I eventually learned to dance, all it took was one “Pick Me” a night and I rarely left the dance floor. You see, once you get yourself out there on the dance floor, chances are that you will find your next dance while still there. So dancers, feel free to use my mantra and ask them to “Pick You.” Do not be afraid to ask someone to dance and if you must turn someone down, do it politely. There are legitimate reasons for saying no.

Positioning is also very important. Do not hide in the corner or sit at the back of the room. Stand near the dance floor and look like you WANT to dance. Watch where the dancers are entering and exiting the floor and remember that they are there to dance, just like you. I know that it is often difficult to ask a dancer that is more experienced than yourself, but if you truly want to become a better dancer, you’re going to have to be brave and do it! In retrospect, if you are a more experienced dancer, try to “remember when” and occasionally ask a lower level dancer to dance. Let’s all dance together and build a strong healthy dance community.

Bottom line: if you are sitting on the sidelines, you have only yourself to blame. You must be brave, suck it up and ask someone to dance!

Establishing a quiet, stable dance frame, is a goal that all dancers should aspire to, enabling them to achieve that essential connection with their dance partner, allowing them  the luxury to not only listen to, but enjoy, the music that they are dancing to.

Spaghetti Arms, or lack of Dance Frame, is a common problem for new dancers. It is one of the most important building blocks in becoming an accomplished dancer. It is also one of the most difficult skills for a new dancer to master. It is equally  important for the leader and follower to both have, and maintain, a good, constant and continuous dance frame. I often hear a leader complain that a follower doesn’t have frame, and therefore he is unable to “lead” her. This, of course, is an accurate statement. It is possible, however, that these “leaders” have yet to develop their own solid dance frame themselves.

Sometimes when leaders  refer to their “frame”, they are actually mistaking “frame” for a lead, such as in, turn NOW! If there is no prior connection, with constant and continuous framework already established during the dance, the follower is just receiving “frame” when the leader is trying to initiate a pattern, a turn, or a change of direction. That often leads to confusion for the follower and a missed lead. So leaders, remember that frame must be “quiet” and “continuous” throughout the entire dance, in order for the follower to react when you initiate your intention.

On the other hand ladies, it is our responsibility to offer our leader a stable frame. One that is a constant, toned resistant, and equal to that of our partner. It is typical when we first begin dancing to have Spaghetti Arms. Limp and loose. We then tend to go to the opposite extreme, a stiff and rigid frame. As a brand new dancer, there is much to remember, so just try and take a deep breath and realize that you are dependent on “feeling” where and what, a leader is asking your body to do. Your arms should move your entire body, you should move as a whole unit, not arms, and then body. Leaders, this goes for you, too.

Any of you who have ever had the chance to be thrilled with the discovery of a place to dance while traveling out of town and felt shock and awe, not in the sense of military doctrine regarding overwhelming power, rather, in the realization that the quality of dancing was frightening, would understand what I’m talking about! Ras #1 and I discovered such a place….Tuesday 2-step was our agenda for the night! Now….don’t get me wrong….I’m not claiming to be a great dancer, in fact, I’m still on the huge upward learning curve, so, on that basis, you may have an understanding of how sad the dancing really was.

Now, Ras #1 and I have attempted on a few occasions to play the man’s part (lead) of the dance team, usually when there is no-one to else to dance with, and country 2-step is one of those we have attempted to dance the boy (oops, I mean man)-part. The fact that, while playing the man part, we were about as good at dancing as most of the men on the dance floor, and better than some, just proved how bad it was. DO NOT DESPAIR! DO NOT GIVE UP! More that likely you can find better dancing material in your area, you may just have to look longer and harder and/or drive further.

Ras #1 and I decided, right then and there, that we would never again complain about dancing in our own locale………..that is, until we attended the Palm Springs Swing Dance Classic……………………but that’s another blog for another time.

The New Year started with a bang, or should I say a splash or two, or three, of champagne, while dancing the night away at the Palm Springs Swing Dance Classic. After five days of dancing and workshops, Ras #1 and I have so much to talk about, that we have actually been in a “quandary” (not to be mistaken for “at a loss of words”), as where to begin. So, rather than sit and stew, I thought I would just pull one subject out of the hat……hmmm……what is it going to be? I suppose that I will talk about the subject that stands out the most, and that would be………how one dancer can make another dancer feel. I’m not just talking about whether or not you were able to follow or lead during you dance or whether or not you were making eye contact with your partner while dancing with them, but were you smiling? And I am talking about smiling from the inside out. As a dancer, I can tell you that I can “feel” another dancers’ smile!

For those of you who are new to dancing, it is important to make eye contact with your dance partner, while not staring at them. Dancing with a partner who either stares at you, or at the opposite extreme looks at everyone else, on and off the dance floor, with the exception of you, is very uncomfortable. Focusing on your partner while you are dancing increases your awareness of how they’re moving and what they are doing and makes your partner feel like you are actually part of a dance team. In addition to focusing on your partner………smile! Social dancing should be fun. A snobby, arrogant attitude based upon anything, including your superior dance skills (if they indeed exist), is inconsiderate and very intimidating, particularly to a beginner. Considering how passionate dancers are about dancing, we should be doing everything in our power to encourage others to discover the joy that can be achieved from dancing. Joy, now that is an interesting word…it may sound like corny verbiage attached to dancing, but Ras #1 and I are here to tell you……………..dancing is pure “Joy”. The more we dance…..the more joy we experience and the more we want to dance. Yes, it is a vicious, addictive cycle!

One more thing I want to add is….….when you have a genuine smile on your face, your parnter “feels” it, not just “sees” it, it’s like putting the icing on the cake.

We danced with one particular gentleman in Palm Springs, who we’d previously met and danced with. I am here to tell you that dancing with Mark is simply, pure joy! Every dance that man dances, he smiles, with his entire being! It is as though he is dancing the best dance he has ever danced! Dancing with him is pure “joy”. That is the kind of partner we aspire to be, the kind of partner that everyone should aspire to be!

Happy New Year and Enjoy,

Ras#2

Spaghetti Arms

Spaghetti Arms! aka Dance Frame, or lack there of it. This has to be one of the most important, yet difficult skill for a new dancer to master. And much to the disagreement of many, BOTH partners must have Frame. I often hear a leader complain that a follower has no frame and therefore he is unable to “lead” her. Which of course, is an accurate statement. However, I have danced with these “leaders” just to realize that they do not have “frame” either.

What they are referring to as their “frame”, is merely a lead, as in turn NOW! There is no constant tension or framework during the dance and the follower just receives “frame” when the leader is trying to initiate a pattern, turn or change of direction. So leaders, remember that frame must be “quiet” and “continuous” throughout a dance.

On the other hand ladies, it is our responsibility to offer a stable frame. One that is a constant, toned resistance, equal to that of our partner. It is typical when we first begin dancing to have Spaghetti Arms. Limp and loose. We then tend to go to the opposite extreme, a stiff and rigid frame. When you are a brand new dancer, there is just so much to remember, just try and take a deep breath and realize that you are dependent on “feeling” where and what a leader is telling your arms to do. Your arms move your body as one, not independently. Leaders, this goes for you, too.

I suggest that you find someone that you are familiar and friendly with. Someone that is able to laugh and experiment. Start by both of you having very weak limp spaghetti arms. You will feel the lack of connection immediately. You will realize that neither one of you will be able to communicate through your frame. Two people without frame will find it very difficult to move around the dance floor and execute any style of dance.

Next, one of you should be the noodle, the other, a stiff, strong, rigid frame. As you will notice, this does not work well either. The strong person will likely be shoving the other person off balance and the person with no frame will stumble around not knowing where he/she should be, or how to get there. Take turns being both extreme. You will begin to adjust and find a happy medium. One that works for both of you. You will understand and feel what it is like to dance with Mr. or Mrs. Vermicelli and you will NOT want to be that person! It is an absolute chore to dance with someone with no frame. Your arms become weak and tired, just from trying to hold up the others arms, during a dance. It is not fun and is well worth the practice to find and maintain your frame. Once you find your frame, you will be able to adjust to most any dancer.

You can practice this equal and opposite resistance with anyone, they do not have to be a dancer. I found that I was able to even get my 15 year old son, who would rather cut off his feet than dance, to match my resistance and create a stable frame. I was able to move his body through his frame and he was able to move mine. For him it came naturally, for me, it did not!

So, a few tips. Stand opposite of each other. Hold each others hands and create an oval. Take turns “moving” each other. Observe what you are doing and how the other persons’ body reacts. Do not allow your elbows to collapse and keep them in front of you. Learn to allow your frame to move your body.

I believe that we all vacillate from one extreme to the other, before finally feeling or understanding what Dance Frame really is.

Good Luck and keep fine tuning your Dance Frame, the more adept you become, the more fun dancing will be!

I recently received an email regarding Dance Frame and a Weak Lead, and know that it expresses the problems of many, so I thought that I would answer it here.

HELP!

My husband and I have always had a problem with his “weak” lead. Even though we are in a closed position, I find that I am doing the steps myself because I don’t feel his leading. This sometimes causes conflict because then he asks if I KNOW what I’m doing or he says I’m leading.

I’ve tried to explain how important his right hand positioned on my left shoulder blade (or just beneath) is. But most of the time I can barely feel it. Then he tries to drag me around with his left arm. It certainly doesn’t make for a fun time.

What can we do to make this a better situation?

Thanks!

Dear Confused on which way to go……..vs…..going THIS way NOW!

This one’s for all of you that are a bit confused on which way to go, and desperate to find the connection! A weak lead is sometimes the fault of familiarity. If you dance mostly with one partner, you can both become so familiar with each other, that you become a bit “lazy” or “relaxed”. You begin to “know”, or think that you “know” what the other person is going to do, enabling a weak lead, even in a closed dance frame.

What can you do to help correct this problem?

First of all, do you only dance with each other, or do you belong to some sort of club where you have the opportunity to dance with others? If you haven’t branched out and danced with others, I encourage you to do so. Seek out others with a passion for dance and broaden your dance experience. Look for your local USA Dance Chapter, or Swing Dance Club. This will enlighten and empower you as a dancer. Each of you will have to totally depend upon a new persons’ lead and follow. Without the anticipation that comes from the familiarity of dancing with someone that you are accustom to, a leader will truly have to “lead”, (or the follower will have no clue what she is supposed to do) and a follower will have to respond to only what is led, not what they “think” is being led. It is likely to be an eye opening experience for the both of you.

Secondly, if you are already dancing with others, or that is not an option, what you CAN do (if your partner is willing) is have him lead you through an entire dance with your eyes closed. This can be scary…….but is VERY effective! No peeking!

You must also settle in, and “fill his hand”. Just keep looking for that connection until he returns it. (do not lean back to achieve this) I have been known to keep backing up until the follower stops me. This usually causes a wide eyed expression, as in Whoa! But it usually works.

A good way for you to practice is to place your left hand against a wall and press outward, with your shoulder blade, not your hand. Create a “handle”, tell him to feel for it, and to hold on! And once you find that connection, have him lead you with only his right hand, completely from the connection on your back. This is also difficult, but very good practice. He should be able to lead you through an entire dance with just that connection. Our instructors at LearntoBallroomDanceOnline are very thorough when explaining the lead.

Another thing to try, which may be difficult, is to ONLY react when led, do NOT respond to a weak lead, even if you “know” what you are supposed to do. If you don’t feel the lead……….DON’T respond, just keep doing what you are doing until the lead is distinct. This all takes practice and is a very difficult balance, one that I am sure that you both can master.

The MOST IMPORTANT thing to remember is to keep it lighthearted and FUN! Dancing is meant to be a joy, not a stress in your life. I am sure that you will come up with some creative way to humor your guy into becoming a better leader!

Please keep me posted, and let me know your progress, and any creative ideas that you come up with.

Happy Dancing,

Michele@learntoballroomdanceonline.com