Dancing Matter of Importance: No Stalkers Please
Today I am going to bring up a rather touchy subject that has been
brought to my attention. I feel that it is worth mentioning and
realize that this does not pertain to most people. So please do not
situation that may occur while out dancing.
Dancing is a great social activity and a great way to make new
friends. Occasionally you may run across people that are there for
the wrong reason. The “wrong” reason that I am talking about today,
is one that can cause a lot of grief to men and women alike.
Sometimes men or women frequent dance activities simply to
“hook-up” with a member of the opposite sex. Sometimes for just the
night and sometimes for a week or more. There are people that can almost
become stalker-ish and will take advantage of a dancers’ social etiquette.
As dancers’ it is rare to turn down a dance when asked. However, if
the person asking takes advantage of you during or after that
dance, you have every right to refuse to dance with them again.
It is not uncommon that a beginning dancer can become a target. A
more experienced dancer with the wrong intent may prey upon a
beginning dancer by offering to spend time teaching them to dance.
They may then suggest getting together before or after dancing
hours. This may result in a short term “relationship” that often
ends badly with the beginning dancer disappearing from the dance
community either out of humiliation or embarrassment or just not
wanting to face the other person. The person doing the preying
the next, often quite quickly.
We must all take responsibility for ourselves. You can count on
being approached in ways that make you uncomfortable if you are a
social dancer that is out several nights a week. Be strong and
listen to your inner voice. Do not open the door, even a crack, if
you are uncomfortable in any way. These people are relentless and
oblivious to your caution or discomfort. Stick up for yourself and
take responsibility. Learn to say No. This can also happen during
group classes. Remember that it is your own responsibility, not the
the instructors, to safeguard yourself. Those of you that attend
classes with the intent to “hook-up”……..Knock it Off!
I know that these types of occurrences happen in all areas of life,
but as a dancer, I also know that when left to fester it seriously
effects our dancing community!
I promise happy thoughts next time!
Happy and safe dancing,
Michele
AMEN–thank you for this well thought out email. It is very right on and I have encountered the situation many times–especially when I first came to Denver and was just out of a divorce but thankfully–although I was naive–I was not stupid. I fought off five of them at a seemingly nice, class dance. I left and have returned to that dance since and it remained the same so have not gone there in several years. Although it is a nice dance–music [DJ] and people with money and were dressed to the max–looking really high class–it had not changed–I encountered the same type of crowed.
Men dressed up–women–dressed up etc. One guy [the first time I danced with him said "God wanted us to have sex] I left him in the middle of the floor. Another lifted my skirt [I was wearing a pleated skirt and sweater] he said “I abet you have the cutest figure under that skirt” Left him on the floor. Another man–Asked “How much would it take to get you to go home with me?” I left him on the floor after I answered “You don’t have enough,” He returned this “I am a multi Millionaire” I said ” You are not listening–I said, You do not have enough,I maybe naive but I am not stupid”" and I left the floor and the dance in shock which lasted three weeks.
It turns my stomach now to think of that dance even if I cannot find a dance to attend.
I hope your article gets to a lot of girls as they need answers for these stalkers and pushers–ONE BEING–NO!! NO!! Your friend –Aggie
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I am so glad this doesn’t happen at the studio I attend. We must be very fortunate
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As a teacher I see this all the time. I get the same guys coming back to the beginners class over and over just to find new girls to meet. If you are just starting only listen to the instructor, the students are not qualified to help you. if the y are creepy tell your instructor.
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Michele Reply:
February 26th, 2010 at 12:53 pm
I love that you bring this up, for I see that all of the time, too. Especially if they have some knowledge of the dance, the use that as a premise to “help” you learn to dance.
You are paying the instructor, nor another student. Good advice!
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Very well said! Thanks for the advice!
Thank goodness we don’t have any stalkers at the studio that I go to. I guess it also helps that I attend with my friends regularly, and we always try to keep an eye for each other and protect each other when necessary.
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You’re Welcome, thanks for stopping by!
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